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This post is from Grown and Flown.

by Lori Bender | Estimated Reading Time: 4 minutes

Last school year, I polled a small group of college students about what made them feel the most stressed in college. Mostly juniors, their answers varied but were all specifically related to not having enough time to do everything required of them. Why did these students not elaborate with reports of disparaging feelings of overwhelm, doom, or stress? Did they know what stress looked like on themselves?

It turns out these students are not only academically involved, but heavily socially involved through teams, Greek life, study groups, clubs, and volunteering. As if fifteen or eighteen credit hours are not enough, you would expect these college students to express feelings of overload and burnout, and to be concerned about their mental health and overall well-being, but a certain observation lead me to understand why these students did not allow stress to register as overwhelm or anxiety.

To them, stress was an integral part of their existence. It was analogous to being a college student. They accepted the possibility that stress was present and they tolerated its existence. They formed a vision of stress and all of its glory, and used this visual to help them regulate the negative impact of stress.

This was more than a forced positive attitude about stress. This was tapping into their mental and emotional resources to cope. They became familiar with how stress felt on them, how it looked on them, and how to wear it successfully by staying busy, committing, and forming meaningful relationships.

Even more remarkable? Not one of the ten students was willing to scale back on obligations despite sometimes feeling overwhelmed. They could not visualize their lives differently. They existed in this kind of whirlwind where stress became the energy behind the spin (eustress.)

Did they mention some healthy and not so healthy ways in which they de-stressed? Of course. Did they look a bit sleep deprived? Yes. Were they craving a home cooked meal because they were tired of fast food? You bet. But these college students seemed inherently calm when talking about missing a deadline, accomplishing less than expected, and having to say “no.”

They seemed to be masters at planning ahead, communicating needs, asking for support, and adapting. They had no issue with asking for extensions, payment plans, and even alternative options to attending a meeting or a class. They met with professors, arranged coffee with a friend, and even skipped meetings when needing to collect themselves mentally. They displayed very little fear of over involvement, failure, burnout, or even success. It was apparent that being involved proved to be the most effective stress management.

Aside from this (maybe) unusual group, every college student perceives stress and being overwhelmed differently. While academic pressures impact one student, another student feels isolated by social and emotional stressors. Finances worry certain students while fear of failure halts others. In addition, there are many factors that play in to how well a person senses, responds and maneuvers through stress. Personality, genetics, life experiences, and practice all determine how well one copes with stress or succumbs to its negative effects. Some people have to learn the skill of managing stress, while others have the inherent ability.

Share With Your Student: 20 Ways You Can Cope With Stress

1. Embrace the idea that stress is normal. Get comfortable with it being a part of daily life.

2. Visualize life in its enormity. College is only four years. It is a microcosm of your existence.

3. Know that stress is different from anxiety and anxiety disorders.

4. Start to understand and befriend the thoughts you have during moments of anxiety. No need to run from them. They are normal.

5. Breathe. Oxygen is the best calming agent for our bodies when anxious.

6. Find an action that satisfies the feelings of “flight.” Some people wiggle change in their pockets. Some keep a soft tissue in their reach to rub. Any soothing action can bring calm to most situations.

7. Find that place on campus you can go and collect the chaos in your mind.

8. Convince yourself that any risk you take to pull your mind out of the tumbling thoughts will bring reward. Keep the mind occupied. Remember that good stress is motivation.

9. Interrupt negative thinking processes with a visual, a mind’s eye of calm – may be a nature scene, a memory of security, a family picture.

10. Do a body scan to release tension from where it resides. Stretch it out.

11. If you are not good at multi-tasking, then STOP trying — practice planning and accomplishing one small goal at a time.

12. Find nature. Green slows down your mind.

13. Seek support through friends, professors, wellness centers, groups, classmates, or a pastor.

14. Volunteer! Studies show that helping others occupies an anxious mind.

15. Smile when you pass other students on campus. On the days you cannot muster a smile, force it!

16. Join one group at a time on campus. Gradually add another activity when you know you can handle your current obligations.

17. Pay close attention to sleep, eating, and exercising. We can’t exist without tending to these three essential components of wellness.

18. Call someone on the phone. Hear a voice of compassion.

19. Sit on a bench, and watch others. Converse with them. They will NOT think you are strange. Secretly, they want a friend, too.

20. Repeat number 2.